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Apophysis 7x.15C and GIMP. I didn't follow THIS TUTORIAL
just because I know it by heart.
I like the result because I finally made to get that particular texture on the petals (barely achieved in my other blooms). Unfortunately I made a bad choice of gradient.
Anyway...I'm getting better. I'm still sad because of the journey and its consequences, but an idea is slowly replacing my sadness: when one door closes, another door opens
So...whatever, life goes on.